The mornings when I wake up too early seem to be the worst and always leave me feeling on edge all day. The best I've managed today is a sort of numb emptiness, but it's better than the feelings of pointlessness. I went out for a walk in the sunshine, but that just gave my head time to churn thoughts around. What is the point of life? Even if you fill your days with happy experiences, one day you will die and none of it will matter any more. Does anything really matter?
Maybe it's about helping other people, not really about your own life at all.
One thing that has helped today is music and singing, as long as I avoid the gloomy songs. I just need to keep remembering that this feeling will pass. The good days are now outnumbering the bad days.
Maybe it's days like this that I need my daily list more than ever. One of the first things I did during the first few days that I was signed off work was to draw up a list of things to try to do each day. Over the weeks, I've adapted and added to the list. I keep it in a plastic folder so that I can use a dry-wipe pen to cross off the things I've done and colour in a star for each. I made sure that some of the tasks are very simple so that I can always manage to achieve something. I aim for at least 10 stars each day and usually manage a few more than this. So far today I've managed 9, which makes me feel slightly better.
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